Ten Steps of the NonSexAholic
So you recognise one, possibly all
of the symptoms of decline - proof, beyond doubt, that you are truly Past~It.
Don’t Panic! It’s not the end of the world – just the end of sex as you knew
it! This phase of your life calls for a new approach to sex – a calmer, more
laid back approach. There are benefits to this; no longer need you worry
about whether or not you are getting enough sex, no longer need you suffer
the stress involved in giving a partner multiple orgasms or multiple
partners single orgasms. The Kalmer Sutra will show you the path to a ‘new’
true, lasting sexual satisfaction. By admitting that you are a NonSexAholic
and following the Kalmer Sutra steps you will achieve infrequent and
effortless sex and realise that this is not a problem but a release. Once
more you will find tranquillity and happiness.
Step 1: The Problem
Admit to yourself that you no longer crave sex. Admit
that cars, clothes, music, taxidermy and numerous other exiting activities
are now much more important to you.
Step 2: The Solution
Believe that a happy life, free from sexual pressures, is something you can
achieve. Believe that the thrill of sticking a Penny Black into your stamp
album is actually much more exhilarating than an hour-long orgasm with a
horny porn star. Believe that the path of the Kalmer Sutra can lead to
fulfilment without the boredom of sex.
Step 3: The Decision
Accept that only you can make the decision to follow the
way of the Kalmer Sutra – only you can liberate your soul and bed.
Step 4: Inventory
Make an inventory of your lifestyle and begin to make the
changes necessary for recovery. Search out all those raunchy books that are
secretly hidden around the house and ceremoniously burn them.
Step 5: Confession
Admit to friends that you have lost interest in sex and would rather go
bowling than to seedy pubs and clubs where you are under pressure to score.
If you are really brave admit to your partner that you would much prefer
your relationship to enter a new, exiting, platonic phase.
Step 6: Willingness
Above all you must be prepared to follow the Kalmer Sutra’s teachings
through to the bitter end, accepting that the tranquil pleasure you will
experience after the initial torturous pain will make it all worth while.
Step 7: Delete your Lists
Destroy your little-black-book and remove all ‘hot’ numbers from your mobile
Step 8: Make Restitution
Contact girlfriends, boyfriends, lovers, sheep – if you are that way
inclined, amorous postmen etc etc and apologise for not being the sex crazed
beast that they once knew and lusted after. Firmly, but gently, explain that
you are no longer interested in a relationship full of randy, kinky sex but
devoid of commitment, and that you now appreciate the important things in
life such as flower arranging and Morris Dancing.
Step 9: Meditate
Regularly reflect on non-sexual matters – try to do so every six minutes.
Step 10: Help Others
At any one time many people are going through the turmoil associated with
being a NonSexAholic. They need your help! Introduce them to the Kalmer
Sutra and support them in achieving its enlightenment.