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Oldies Guide to a great sex life.

Read The Lazy Sod's Guide to Sex << Click for more information

Now – when you are lying in bed and your wife says she’s feeling, ‘hot’ you know she’s remembered to switch on the electric blanket.

Sex used to be as easy as a pleasant stroll down a country lane. But now it takes all the effort of an expedition to Everest.

You know that your sexual prowess is on the wane when your best chat up line becomes, “Would you like to come back to my place to see my flower bed?.”

Sex is every bit as good as when I was young. Sex is every bit as good as when I was young. Sex is every bit as good as when I was young. Sex is every bit as good as when I was young. Sex is every bit as good as when I was young.
Go on. Keep repeating it – eventually you might even begin to believe it.

Let’s face it! If sex were outlawed you would be in no danger of arrest.

It’s a fact of life. Sex gets boring as you get older.

In youth you went for quantity. In middle age – quality. Now you just want to be left alone.

It is nature’s cruel jibe that by the time we’re free of the worry of pregnancy we’ve totally lost the urge.

To the young sex is an adventure. To the middle-aged a hobby. To the old it’s a trial.

As you grow old you become forgetful and often mislay things – this is when it becomes vital that you take care not to lose anything important – like your virginity.

A young lady wants a romantic setting complete with candles and soft music. She wishes to be gently seduced and then to make passionate love for hour after joyous hour. An older woman wants exactly the same except that it should be all over in twenty minutes and not mess up the duvet cover.

Young men have two track minds – sex and women. But as they mature their interests broaden, they become more sophisticated, and begin to think about a much wider range of things – sex, women, cars, sex, women, football, sex . . . .

“I can’t remember when I last had sex,” David confided to his best friend. “Don’t worry,” replied Colin reassuringly, “you’re not losing your sex drive – you’re just becoming senile.”

Mantra for a Hot Sex Life
For a great night in bed repeat the following mantra five times:
I’m a hot, virile super-stud.
I ooze untamed sex appeal.
I drive all women wild.
Satisfaction - guaranteed.
Then climb into bed, lie back on your pillow and enjoy your mug of hot chocolate. Goodnight!

 

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